hI RACHEL. LIFESUCKS ;D;D;D;D;D;D;D

i AGREEEEEEEE
Jasmine, Jia Le and Wingyau and me are all in the library yay joy.

Okay end -.-

Perhaps, I should stop trying that hard. Or I should just stop trying. Shouldn't make this easy, or else it'll be a take me for granted kind of thing. Or should i? Gah confusionnnnn ):

Hmm anyway, Jasmine had been asking me to listen to Leave the Pieces. And i did. It's not bad lah. Country song. Haha Jas is trying to influence me into listening to country songs. And huiying, wingyau and me took pictusre of 3 random ppl doing chem hmwork! Haha Shall post the pics later. So funny lah, they are rushing to finish so tht they can catch their music bus -.- In the end, they didnt get it.
I've been bothering ppl with the "whats your purpose in life" question. Because i've been thinking, yeah for gdness knws why, whts my purpose in life. And then I realised I didnt have one, yay ): So then i started whining to Stef and Siying during Chem and Phy Prac. Boredom does stupid thigns to me ): But seriously, wht is my purpose in lifeeeeeee! Some kind soul can give me some suggestions. Because, i see people arnd me with a goal in mind, liek they knw what they will do in the future. Like ambitions and interest, and i see people who are either mathematically inclined or science or languages. But uh I'm like average in all lah. Sucky. Blah. So then i really felt like swimming aft that, and i did! Gladly. Swimming is love man ;D Even though i've my period, but ah hah. Once in a while wouldnt hurt rightttttt. Okay shall stop ranting and copy Leave the Pieces lyrics here. It's for jiale too! But yeah, maybe aft one week, she doesnt need it anymore, cuz she may make the other choice. Hmm so yeah goes:

Stand Still, Look Pretty
Leave the Pieces
Wreckers

You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair you know
To just keep me hangin' 'round

You say you don't wanna hurt me
Don't wanna to see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown

[Chorus]
And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

Now you can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
Really get it over with
And just let me move on

Don't concern yourself
With this mess you've left for me
I can clean it up, you see
Just as long as you're gone

[Chorus]

You not making up your mind
Is killing me and wasting time
I need so much more than that
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Leave the pieces when you go
Oh yeah
Leave the pieces when you go

End.







Sick of this Play, I am.

SO COOOOOOOL. Okay hahah many cool things. Firstly, Ms Sebestian actually commented that she thinks that wht I said at the Kranji War Memorial was moving ;D Wheee! Second cool thing, and though i said before that i can plait my own hair, i didnt realise how proud I shld be then! Hahah cuz i realised many people cnt! And i shall go tie it for them! Hahha.
oh my gosh. I'm talking to lili and cherie TOGETHER now. And it's disaster because here's one advice: Never ever talk to the both of them together. YOu'll be driven mad. I am liek completely speechless towards them. They are procliaming their greatest deepest love for each other, and both stating that they are gorgeous and beautiful AND THEY ARE ADVISING ME TO START THIS LOVER RELATIONSHIP WITH WINGYAU! Hahaha Oh man. Liliteo really sucks. Hahah she has liek classic jokes that make me laugh in front of the computer like an idiot! I better go to sleep before i get too high!
And me and lili are still debating over who is sicker. It all started on a sunny afternoon during integrated humanities. Dont kno wwhy but the class dsicussion leads to anal sex! So i turned roudn and asked lili abt it, and she happily 'shared knowledge' with me, as so she says. Now she says im sicker, when the fact she says shes imagining forcing the shit back in! -.- hahahaha Idiot lili! So imamture! Blahhhhhh i shall go sleep already. Seriously, before i get serious eyebags ):

Daughtry
Over You
Chris Daughtry

Now that it's all said and done
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down
Like an old abandoned house

What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath
Fell to far, was in way to deep
I guess I let you get the best of me

Well I never saw it coming
I should of started running
A long long time ago
And I never thought I'd doubt you
I'm better off without you
More than you, More than you know
I'm slowly getting closure
I guess it's really over
I'm finally getting better
Now I'm picking up the pieces
and spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
The day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you

Cause I got over you!
I got over you!
I got over you!

It's a day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you

Blah. Wishful thinking, or maybe not. Im so confused. Like I really don't understand and i can't figure it out. Like sometimes, i feel that way, and i'm sure that i'm right, but then when ppl do like diff things, or i dont know, i feel liek it's just wishful thinking on my part. Okay haha i do not make sense. WAH i do not like the situation i am in now. Bah, do not like waiting but i shall have to ):
Anyway! Had a lot of small talk, or rather, many talks here and there with Jiale, Eva and Jas. And then I come to a conclusion that Girls are insecure, but some girls are more insecure than others, which is where I stand, sadly. Hahaha, can't stand Eva lah. She has this stupid J person goign aft here liek crazy, then she like so bo chap towards him, and yet shes getting all the attention directed towards her by him. His smses are like long and initiative. Well a bit too initiative for starters. But again. Lucky girl. Haha I think it's nice to be pampered and to be like smbody's one of the most impt person or whtever lah! hahah. Like some guy who is willing to direct all his attention, do all sorts of things for you and be initiative are so sweeeet! It's a very nice feeling to depend on others, cuz sometimes it's tiring to be independant :p. I sound love stuck, haha! But oh wellllllll. Eva! Ask that j person to stop trying to make signs of wanting to do intimate actions towards you, when you havent agree to be his gf! I can help you sms again ;DD Jiale! See now you have so many of us helping you go through this period! Sooooo, you better be alright soon!

Went Kranji War Memorial today, and it was such a pretty place. It was beautiful, and so peaceful. The graves were pretty, and althoough it was solemn and all, it was nice to view through the graves, and the youngest age was like 16! They died for Singapore. And some of them are really really really heroes. Can't help admiring their bravery. The design of the cemetary is so cool, i didn't even mind spending a whoel afternoon there! Thereafter we had this wreath ceremony, and Ms Sebastian asked me to represent 402 to say a few words. So this is what I said:

'To all the soldiers, the Unnamed and the Unknown,
You will always be remembered and honoured by all of us.
It matters not what ranking you were,
for in our hearts, you are of the highest honour.'

Quite cool right! Haha I made it up on the way while looking at the many graves.

Oh and i plait my hair today! Haha got quite a funny response. Helped jiale to plait her hair, er unsuccessfully. I shall try it again tmr! And jasmine! And jiaqi! I really like Jiaqi's hair ): Haha Eva refused to let me touch hers at all. Bah. My juniors were like 'Tie again tmr! My classmate want to see" I love my 1/2 class. So sweet and funloving! MWAHHHH. Esp enthusiastic people like Regine, Yue Ling, Ling An, etc. Time to time they sms me. Yay! So if regine's reading this, you can send my love to the class.
And my mum got me contacts! HAHA! Like 30 pairs for the entire year. So i have to use it only when i go out. But oh well, better than nothing. At least she finally got them for me. ;D

This post is dedicated to my dearest Jiale!
I have no idea what the hell this song is, but eh heh. The lyrics aint that bad. Go you! And when you know that you've gotten over it, and uh ready to face a brand new morning, you will realise how friends are always there for you. And i hope i'm helping, in one way or another. And i know you can do this, know you can pull through, because hey! You're stronger than me ;D

Letting Go
Sozzi

Don't call me
Don't write
Don't show up in the middle of the night
You know that
We needed
Some time and space to breathe

I still recall the words you said to me
It's what you did not say that sets me free
Now how can I find peace of mind when you keep coming back again?
It's okay for you to play this game of seesaw with my head

Now it hurts too much
And it hits too hard
And I won't play this part

Don't call me
Don't write
Don't show up in the middle of the night
You know that
We needed
Some time and space to breathe

So now I say the things I want to say
Sometimes it's better letting go this way
I'll always know
Down in my soul
We really had so far to go
I've given all I had to give
And now it's time for me to live
And I won't look back
And I won't regret
Though hurts like hell
Someday I will forget

It's funny how we seem to end up here
I never thought I'd see this soul disappear

Don't call me
Don't write
Don't show up in the middle of the night
You know that
We needed
Some time and space to breathe

And this is letting go
This is letting go
This is letting go
This is letting go

I think my entries previously were so full of anger and aggressiveness. How stupid. After all, I shoudn't be getting uptight ot upset over that anymore. I mean, if aguy cannot appreciate you then its his problem.
Anyway, I'm in denial. Sometimes i think problems of the heart is really something i cannot grasp. I dont know if i should do this or not. Girls are always insecure i suppose. But uh, I think I'm a very insecure person :/ which sucks yes. I'm a rather gullible person, believeing a lot of things on the surface, but then again,. i get suspicious and sensitive easily. I can be so outgoing and loud and everything, then I can be stony and moody and quiet. I make myself think that this is what i am but I do another. Split personality anyone? But back again to my point, should I let myself be troubled with such problems that deals a lot of my mental thoughts and emotions? Even without starting, and my heart feels heavy. Maybe I should just wait and see, because I cant figure out wht this person is thinking. Tells me one thing, but what this person does, makes me feel another. Oh well. My love life sucks. And anyw, im too young to bother with love matters, er right?

You make me believe in one thing, but go do another.

Firstly, let's talk about the superly educational trip to Jiale's house on sunday. Spent a lot of time wow-ing at the size and just about everythign abt her house. It's so HUGEEEEEEEEE and bare -.-. Seriously, she needs more junk food and more stuff. Haha but its so neat! She has like 1 guest room (with a personal toilet) 2 tv rooms, 1 living room, 1 dining room, 2 kitchens, four rooms with their own personal toilets, of which, one has a walk-in wardrobe!! Plus her foyer can fir in like 3 or 4 cars, and her backyard can play volleyball! And she grows chilli in her garden! HAHAHA. Shr has like toilets everywhere -.- But yeah super cool lah her house. And her grandpa so kindly treated us to Roti Prata! Wheee. And her brother is soooo nice, ahem! HAHA. And then after doing proj with jiaqi,eva, jasmine. I stayed at her house until 9.30! Yay fun fun. Cuz we spend like the last half hour talking abt stuffffff. And it feels great to have people who understand and whom you can relate to. Yay lets have another such talk pleaseeee! The most amusing news i heard must have been from Eva. I was shocked and totally amused. Like more than amused man. So unexpected. I wish her GOOOOOD LUCK! Hahah!
And i've been trying to learn some simple guitar chords from Eva! B and Bm is so irritating! Meanwhile, let's just stick to learning how to switch chord while playing. Hahhhhhhhhh. Go me! Go everyone!

Its inevitable that emotions of such will rise within me. But it's okay. Slowly, slowly. I know i can do it. I know I will. To not let someone who has treated you so bad to affect you, because if he doesnt give a shit, then he isnt worth it. Does it really matter if he has problems in his life? No, because what he did to me was worse. Giving up. Its a good thing. And a long process, but i'm going to do it. If he wants me to wallow or pine for him, i aint going to. And if hes reading this, he may feel happy. Doesnt matter....

WEEK 2 FEELS LIKE TERM 2):

最长的电影
周杰伦
我很忙

我们的开始　
是很长的电影
放映了三年　
我票都还留着
冰上的芭蕾　
脑海中还在旋转
望着你　慢慢忘记你
朦胧的时间　
我们溜了多远
冰刀划的　
圈起了谁改变
如果再重来　
会不会稍嫌狼狈
爱是不是不开口才珍贵

再给我两分钟　
让我把记忆结成冰
别融化了眼泪　
你妆都花了要我怎么记得
记得你叫我忘了吧　
记得你叫我忘了吧
你说你会哭　
不是因为在乎

“学习放下很艰难。
它不等于放弃。
放下的首要，实现对人类和世界有一个认识。
我们觉得痛苦，因为放不下。
放不下，因为执著。
执著，因为不愿接受这个残酷的事实。
尽管知道这个认识很真实，但知道归知道，承不承认又另当别论。
世界永远不完美，人性永远丑陋，生命永远不圆满。
我想，这就是认识。”

Just lost my voice, because of a huge quarrel. And how did this quarrel come about? Because of how ridiculous i find it when i'm not allowed to go Jiale's house to do project -.- The absurdity of it all. So things spiral out of control.
This time, and for the ever first time, I'm sure and I am insisting I am right.

I'm addicted to books now. I've been trying to get nice english novels. I've always liked the idea of me actualy liking more adultish novels. Because, i thought i would nvr grow to liek english novels. So now i do like them! but i'm just fussy over them. Echo Park by Micahel Conelly is what im reading now. And i can't wait to read My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult! Oh mannnn everybody says its nice, and wingyau and jessie has read them already! NOOOOOOOOOO. I want that book! Somebody can be nice and buy for me :DDD
Oh well, good that school started proper. Now i'm doing work and there's no time to be on wild imagination. PLUS i can run! Yay, havent been running for 2 months, and it feels good to be runnign again. Running makes me feel relaxed, i dont think of anything when i run. i just run to my heart's content. I shall lose weight, and become less fat luh. ): Hate weighing machines. School's just starting to get even busier. Good luck me!

If you're getting happier, well so am I. Thank you, for I learned not to rely on anyone but myself.

Cleo! Shall add it to my new fav magazines list. The content is really good. Haha at least for me. There are liek juicy stories. And gossip girl. equally juicy. Haha all the bitching and everything, and the loveeee. Hmm school started. But I'm actually working hard already! Finished humanities proposal today with jiale. I rock, she suck ;p i've been listening to many english and chiense songs. And even more praise and worship songs by Hillsong. Music is love. Oh the other hand, i got quite pissed off actually. Because i do not know why, but people like to look when you are smsing or when you have a message coming, without permission. i think it's really rude and all. And it's damn awkward for me to liek 'push' them away. And then i only got one new message coming, then this retort came 'Wah new boyfriend ah?' I was like wtf? NEW? Okay i know you know abt all the break up shit. But then, its not that logn aft tht incident, do you take me as some flirt and all? because that realyl impies this meaning. You are liek trying to say that I'm that kind of person. And i said 'no, duh' very nicely already. And then leaned over and looked at my phone screen. And announced to the whoel world ' but guy leh! HAHAHA' -.- Huh so? It's not liek you dont sms guys? And i was asking question, so i was expecting a reply. -.- So every guy who smses me are my new boyfriends then? Sorry, but i'm really super senstive when it comes to this. And you may be reading this or something. No offense. Because even if you think i'm damn not guai to have a bf, or rather HAD a bf, this doenst mean i'm a player, because you are making me sound someone who doesnt invest feeligns in relationship. Well, you wouldnt know how much i love that guy and all. And maybe you think I'm silly or you don't believe me. But thats up too you, please dont make such comments like that. It's actually kind of sensitive.
Anyway. I don't think i should give a shit to this whole thing any longer. It's no good to me. i'm not going to let him expect me to continue to be sad and just pine for him everyday. that's not going to happen, anymore. Esp not what you do to me. until now. I think you aint worth it any more. You were too heartless and cruel. A complete jerk who doesnt have to go to such lengths to hurt me, but you did. Why the hell did i even apologise to you when you were pissed when i shld be pissed instead? I was stupid, and i know tht even as much as i say all these, i will still get emo in the near future. It's inevitable but yeah it'll pass. For now, i'll concentrate on studies and whtever's impt. Soooo i'm glad school started because things are more organised for me. I sleep early, i do work and not just slack and rot at home in front of the computer, having wild imagination almost everytime. So yeah. Good good. Smmore i'm trying to design class tee and psl camp bklet. Hope it turns out alright. Okay haha i'm just trying to encourage myself ;p. Go 402!

Rachel
Craze SixTEEN
Radin Mas NYGH
LA Rep
TWENTYTWO.OHFOUR
SAYANG ME AT
rachel.0422@live.com

SINGING'S MY LIFE
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And love is in the air